Why do I feel Stuck? Understanding Emotions After Trauma
Have you ever felt like you’re carrying a heavy backpack you can’t take off? Maybe it started small—something hurtful happened, and you tried to move on. But as time passed, the weight got heavier. Now, even the smallest things feel overwhelming, and you’re not sure why.If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. After trauma, it’s normal for emotions to get “stuck,” even when life keeps moving forward. This is where Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) comes in.
It’s like gently unpacking that heavy backpack—one layer at a time—so you can start to feel lighter and more in control.
Why Do We Get Stuck Emotionally?
Let’s take a common scenario: Imagine you had a tough day at work. Your boss criticized your project, and you felt embarrassed and hurt. Instead of addressing how you feel, you say, “It’s fine. I’ll just try harder next time.”
Days later, you snap at a friend for being “too pushy” about making plans. You might think, “Why am I so angry? What’s wrong with me?” But if you look closer, the anger isn’t random. It’s connected to the hurt you pushed down earlier.
This is how emotions work: when we avoid or ignore them, they don’t disappear. They show up in other ways—like tension, outbursts, or that heavy feeling of being stuck.
Here’s why it happens:
We avoid emotions that feel too painful.Instead of feeling hurt, we bury it. Over time, unprocessed emotions pile up, creating stress and confusion.
We get overwhelmed.Sometimes it feels like opening the door to sadness or fear will let out a flood we can’t control. So, we lock it up tight.
We lose touch with ourselves.Trauma can make you question or disconnect from your emotions. You might think, “Am I overreacting? Am I too sensitive?”
The result? You feel stuck—like your emotions are frozen in place.
What Is Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT)?
Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) is about reconnecting with your feelings in a safe, guided way. Instead of ignoring emotions, EFT helps you:
Understand why you feel the way you do.
Unpack emotions that might be hiding underneath anger, numbness, or avoidance.
Learn how to process emotions so they don’t feel overwhelming.
Emotions are like messengers. They tell us what we need:
Anger might be protecting sadness.
Numbness might be shielding fear.
Avoidance might be hiding grief.
The goal of EFT isn’t to “fix” your emotions but to listen to them. Because when we stop fighting our feelings, we create space to heal.
3 Steps to Start Getting Unstuck
Step 1: Name What You’re Feeling
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, start with this simple step: name your emotion. It sounds small, but it’s powerful. Naming your feelings helps you take back control.
For example:
Instead of “I’m just in a bad mood,” say: “I feel frustrated.”
Instead of “I don’t care,” say: “I feel hurt.”
Why it works: Naming an emotion gives it less power. It allows you to see it for what it is—just a feeling, not something that controls you.
Try this: Sit quietly for 2 minutes. Put your hand on your chest, take a deep breath, and ask, “What am I feeling right now?” Write down one word—no judgment.
Step 2: Let Go of Judgment
Here’s the truth: there’s no such thing as a “bad” emotion. Anger, sadness, guilt—they’re all valid. Judging yourself (“Why am I still upset?” or “I shouldn’t feel this way”) only makes you feel more stuck.
Instead, approach your feelings with curiosity. Ask:
“Why am I feeling this way?”
“What is this emotion trying to tell me?”
For example:
If you’re angry, maybe that anger is protecting a deeper hurt.
If you’re feeling numb, maybe you’re afraid of feeling overwhelmed.
You don’t have to “fix” the emotion—just notice it.
Step 3: Take One Small Step Toward the Pain
I know this sounds scary, but hear me out: emotions are like waves. They rise, and if you let them, they’ll pass. The more you avoid them, the stronger they feel.
Try this: Write for 5 minutes about what’s bothering you. Don’t worry about making sense or getting it perfect. Just let the words flow. You might uncover feelings or thoughts you didn’t realize were there.
Insight: You’re Not Broken—You’re Healing
Feeling stuck isn’t a sign of failure. It’s a sign that something inside you needs care and attention. Emotions might feel messy or uncomfortable, but they’re also the path forward.
In EFT, we often say: “You have to feel it to heal it.” That doesn’t mean diving headfirst into every painful memory. It means taking small, safe steps toward understanding what your emotions are telling you.
Remember: You’re not stuck forever. Healing happens one small step at a time.
One Simple Action to Start Today
Sit somewhere quiet. Close your eyes and put your hand on your heart.
Ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now?”
You might notice tension, heaviness, or sadness. That’s okay. Just name it.
“I feel sad.”
“I feel scared.”
“I feel numb.”
That’s your starting point. You don’t have to do anything else. Just noticing it is a brave step forward.
Let’s Take the Next Step Together
If facing your emotions feels overwhelming, you don’t have to do it alone. Therapy is like having a guide walk beside you, helping you feel safe as you unpack those heavy feelings.
Imagine feeling lighter, more in control, and more connected to yourself. That’s what healing can look like—and we’re here to help you get there.
Ready to start? Send us a message, give us a call, or just say “hi.” We’ll meet you right where you are—no pressure, no judgment.
Let’s take this step together. You’ve got this.
Written by Jianee Carrasco
Edited by Catherine Nobile