Coping With Grief After Disappointment

Everyone faces dissapointment. No human is exempt from the feeling of being let down by a hope or dream. 

Have you recently lost a dream? 

Maybe you always imagined going to the college your parents attended, but you received a rejection letter after applying. Perhaps you pictured getting back together with a significant other, but you found out that they’ve gotten married or back with someone else. Or maybe you dreamed of having a family, but you’re dealing with the struggle of infertility.

Whatever the circumstances may be, the loss of a dream can lead to feelings of grief. Feelings of disbelief, sadness, and anger are all normal and part of this process of grief. It can be tempting to deny the dismal reality, as it's often hard to digest as true.

Here are 3 tips for steps you can take to overcome your grief and heal from the loss you are facing:

1. Give yourself time to grieve. 

People often think of grief only in terms of illness or death, but it’s certainly possible—and common—to grieve the loss of a dream or something hoped for. Take the time you need to process your feelings, and don’t let others minimize what you’re going through. Grief has no timeline and it often ebbs and flows, mixed and intertwined with other emotions we experience in our day to day. 

2. Be realistic. 

It can be difficult in light of our big grief emotions to stay grounded in the truth of what happened. Try your best to observe the facts of the situation objectively. Provide space for your feelings to be heard and felt, and also check the facts. If your ex has moved on, for example, focus on what led to your breakup in the first place. If you had conflicting personalities or beliefs, it may be for the best that you didn’t get back together. Or maybe you didn't get the job you wanted, but don't let your feelings tell you that the facts are: you will never get a job. 

Sometimes including an outside perspective can be helpful if you are struggling in assessing the facts of your situation. 

3. Consider alternatives. 

Your dream may still be possible, just not in the way you originally pictured. Look for other paths that may be in front of you. For instance, if you had dreamed of giving birth and having a family of your own, you may still be able to create a family through surrogacy or adoption. We all get knocked down from time to time, or feel rejection or push back on our expectations, wants and desires. 

Take note of this quote by C.S. Lewis, the renowned author of “The Chronicles of Narnia”: 

“You are never too old to set a new goal or to dream a new dream.”

We Can Help You Cope With Your Loss

If you’re healing from the loss of a dream, one of the best things you can do is process that loss by speaking to an experienced therapist. A therapist who specializes in grief—like the ones at our practice—will have unique insight into the way you may be feeling right now, and they can help guide you through your loss. 

If you're wanting extra support to help you face a one time loss, or chronic, or complex loss reach out to Nobile Psychology and we will be honored to connect you to someone that can help.